I know this is gonna sound ignorant, but I find it weird how people are atheist, but yet still believe in love. I know, it’s a big difference, and that probably sounds majorly ignorant, but how could the people that base their lives on believing in nothing, believe in love? I mean, sure a lot of people say there’s love out there, and “Oh, don’t forget love, forget the ones who hurt you that made you think that.” But seriously, where is there love? Can you even define it? I mean I know you can love your family and your friends, but do you still hurt them? Yes. I think love is more unbelievable than believing there’s a God. I mean, love hurts more people, and love has made people kill people, so many people get divorced, millions, actually. How can you say there’s love out there, but yet, no God? I believe in God more than I believe in love. Guess you could say I’m an atheist to love. Love hurts more people, but people still believe in it, but the possibility of there being a God who created this whole world, blows everyone’s mind? I don’t get it. I mean, if I were atheist, I probably wouldn’t believe in anything. I know there are atheist who are married and have found love, so I guess this makes my whole accusation wrong, but I still have more doubt in love than God. I mean, the scale isn’t even close to being matched. I believe in God, way more than love.
Love, Copenhagen style.
Sooo, you guys remember that whole period of time I was depressed not too long again over a boy. And I’m better now, and everything, but apparently now he has feelings for me again. Which I predicted he would because we have seen each other all summer so I guess when he saw me it finally hit him what he loss. Which I predicted right. But I have no idea to go farther than our friendship anymore. He left me bruised, and left me for some ugos. So I really don’t know if I want him anymore. And I saw him in person and how he looked, and I wasn’t that attracted to him. I’ve never been that attracted to his features, but I loved him for him and I got past it. I admit though, I still had some feelings for him when we became friends again, and was kinda hoping for this, but now thinking everything over it seems stupid. I don’t wanna be like that again, and I need to be able to enjoy the rest of high school not being stuck with one person all the time. All my older family members, grandparents, and parents always speak of this, how it’s better not to have a boyfriend, and I don’t if I want one anymore. At least not him, when he told me something that hinted he might like me again I got excited, but now that he has fully said he has “feelings” for me again, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I just want to enjoy life and not be depressed. And then he keeps saying he doesn’t want to like me, like I don’t wanna like him, everything is just so confusing and bleh. I don’t know his reasons for not wanting to like me again, he doesn’t know, or at least I don’t think he knows I still kinda like him, maybe his reasons for not wanting to get involved with me is for the same reasons. Not getting hurt. But he hurt me in the end? Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt me like that again or have me go psycho on him again and just wants to be friends. I don’t know.
Any suggestions on what I should do?
Thank you God for the difficult times
For the times of suffering
Because in those times
Is when we truly realize we need to trust in you
Not worry about what we feel
But rest in your presence
And remember you are God
And You are in control
The saddest thing I can think of, is older people who have experienced life and love, know all about it, and don’t believe love lasts forever.
I lose hope. Then I think, they must have really suffered in love before to believe that love doesn’t last, that “true love” isn’t out there.
I think of all the divorces, all the miserable people that kill themselves over a broken heart, all the lonely people, and I lose hope. What makes me think there’s something out there for me? That’s what makes me think at night. That’s what makes me cry, that there’s no hope for humanity